The Unseen Benefits Of A Breakup ~ Some Facts You Should Know
You may be surprised to learn that, after the trauma and hurt feelings of a breakup, you have the perfect opportunity to get acquainted with some basic aspects of your own.
After a time, your rediscovered core-confidence and self-esteem will enable you to shine, empower you, and attract someone worth your love.
Unseen Benefits Of A Breakup
The greater the attraction we feel towards a partner at the beginning of an intimate relationship, the more likely it is that the issues that surround them will surface which are around the emotions and patterns that we experienced in childhood.
Even more if, or when, things start going wrong.
Your inner child, often called the inner child, is the basis of your feelings. You carry both positive and negative aspects of your emotional experiences from childhood.
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When the child is born and from childhood, they are a ‘bundle’ of emotions. His intellectual ability, his ability to think rationally is not yet developed. And they have no language with which to express what they are feeling.
They are completely dependent on their caregivers, who may react in a nurturing, positive manner, a ‘good enough’ way, or in the worst cases a negative, significant, sometimes abusive manner.
Because a child is ‘pure’ emotion, he or she experiences their emotions vividly. That much, whatever, whatever experiences are positive or negative, they become the source of their future emotional potential as adults.
At the beginning of a romantic relationship, there is a natural tendency to show the other person what you consider the more positive aspects of your personality. There is a craving for intimacy with a strong attraction.
Like a small child you once were, approval is also needed, a desire to please or at least not to offend. This ‘honeymoon’ period can last a few weeks or months, even longer and, during this time we will usually see our partner through rose-tinted glasses.
But in our attempt to please, we may also be in danger of compromising too much, which may eventually mask, or even deny, our unique self. Soon, a time will come when less attractive aspects of each person’s personality will emerge, as they all exist to some degree for all of us.
How skilled we are in negotiating our path during this period depends on how healthy our relationship is going to be or whether it actually succeeds.
There is another factor that affects how well we manage in this area and is that we match each other in terms of our dependency needs. There is usually an unconscious attraction that brings people into our lives based on our level of self-awareness and development, as well as related patterns we have experienced as children, already existing within us.
It is often the case that someone needs to be controlled that will attract someone who is familiar with being dependent on a relationship.
We can attract someone in our lives, a quality that we have, which has been denied to us till now. So that someone who is difficult to express their feelings may inadvertently attract someone who needs emotional expression and closeness.
This is why, further into the relationship, things can get difficult. The person who is unaware will not realize why this can happen, other than knowing that they are emotionally longing for intimacy, as much as their partner is unable to express it.
In turn, the more self-sufficient partner will begin to overcome him or herself as they see their needy and dependent companions piles under pressure.
Speaking on marriage, Kahlil Gibran in The Prophet says, ‘Let there be spaces in your togetherness’ and ‘Stand together yet not too near together… for the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.’
What he is emphasizing is not only the essential nature and importance of our unique personality but our recognition and acceptance of it.
The more self-aware you are, the more you enter a relationship, the better you will be in an effort to state your needs for a partner. Asking yourself to know yourself, your needs, and what you want puts you in a strong position from where to try to negotiate any agreement.
At the same time, encouraging your partner to express her needs and what they want will allow both of you to get off to a good start. The best time to discuss these ‘ground rules’ will be immediately after the start of your relationship. In this way, you are building a strong and healthy foundation for the future.
And, if the relationship does not survive eventually, you may experience the sadness of the loss, but still, be aware of how it happened.
Most people are unaware of these deep and powerful emotional links to our childhood experience and for the most part, it will not matter. Those who are positive will reinforce and strengthen all positive aspects of a healthy relationship.
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But the stuttering or interruption in relationships that derail later, it may well be that negative relationships from one partner’s past begin to affect the balance in the relationship.
He may act suddenly ‘out of character’, in some cases causing a ruckus and behaving in ways that are difficult to understand or, suddenly, ‘out of left field’ that make you want to end the relationship Creates a weak excuse.
Because it makes no sense when you are experiencing such irrational behavior, you may find it impossible to accept. You can also start doubting your sense of reality. How can this happen?
But what you should accept is that no matter what you once believed you could not force another person to be honest or if they did not show the desire to do so they would see themselves more closely. The only person you can change is your self.
And in these circumstances, your priority should be your own: to reduce the damage, to meet the need to understand the other person’s motives or behavior, to redraw certain boundaries, to make your self more To protect yourself from injury, to strengthen oneself.
It will take time but, in the process, you will have a better understanding of your self, you will learn more about WHO, which is enough to move forward and build a strong, healthy relationship in the future.
