What exactly is , The law of ice in the couple and relationships?
When they get angry with another, some people decide to take an icy attitude and apply a punishment of silence known as “The Law of Ice.”
What is the law of ice?
It is based on suspending verbal communication with another person. Stop talking to them completely or using the minimum expressions reduced to monosyllables at most.
It is a form of punishment for something between them or for a situation you do not agree with the other party. They seek that the other party asks forgiveness for the offense received, being able to be not real and only occurred in the mind of the one who applies it, reaching ridiculous and extremely harmful extremes such as that of people with a narcissistic personality disorder.
How does the “law of ice” manifest itself?
Some of the most common ways we will find are the following.
- The other person “disappears” and pretends not to listen to the part of the relationship that suffers this punishment.
- If they have no choice and are taken for granted what the are told, They do not respond with monosyllables.
- They deny the communication problem, feel angry, or think any situation has bothered them.
- They do not answer calls or messages of any kind or replicate them when a long time has passed.
- They ignore what the other person tells him or may ask them, showing disinterest in all this.
- If the other person were invisible or did not exist, the person who applies the law of ice to you will avoid eye and physical contact.
- Social activities with the other person are canceled and previously agreed plans will be extinguished, sometimes without any notice.
- The bewilderment and suffering of the other due to ignoring him bring him carelessly, maintaining his attitude without backing down.
- What kind of abuse is the law of ice?
- We are facing an aggressive-passive attitude and a form of emotional abuse, which will have important consequences on the person who suffers it and on the one who is applying the abuse, even if he is not aware of it at that time.
What are the negative effects of ignoring your partner?
The victim of the law of ice, the first thing they experience is the uncertainty before this new situation since, in most cases, they do not know what the attitude of the other is due to.
Therefore, they do not know what this way of proceeding is and how to interpret it. It will generate anxiety, emotional stress, discomfort, and sadness, giving insecurity, constant worry, persistent feeling that something is not right, and finally wear of self-esteem.
Other problems arising from the law of ice
Apart from being able to feel fear or guilt, feelings or reactions of annoyance, anger, and anger can also arise, which can cause the other party to be even more upset,
This could cause him to harden their measures of coldness further, triggering them to ignore it even more, in an evil, vicious circle.
On very extreme occasions, it becomes so aware that the victim stops doing his normal life for fear that the other person may even be more disgusted with them. Emotional abuse will reach some of its highest levels at this point.
How to escape the “law of ice”?
How do we get out of this situation? The first thing is to discover that there is such a problem. Keep in mind that many people act unconsciously due to their existential backpack.
And they don’t usually realize the suffering they cause with their actions.
Moreover, in these circumstances, the annoyance or anger of the one who is applying the “law of ice” may not even have legitimate or real causes.
In couples, some situations generate tensions, but that are habitual, and that must be treated in the appropriate way and with dialogue to be solved.
Communication is always better than silence.
In these situations, experts advise talking to the other person. The means of communication allow us to expose negative feelings while we know the other party’s position to reach a consensus in which both are well.
If, instead, the answer is silence while ignoring the other, not only will the discomfort not be alleviated, but also new conflicts will be generated between people.
What is and what is not the law of ice?
We should not confuse a lawful defense mechanism of a person who feels hurt with us with the treatment of silence or ice law.
It is not that you have to talk about all the problems immediately. Each person needs different times to process their feelings concerning the different tensions generated in the couple.
So one thing is the time of silence and introspection needed to think and better understand a situation to make the best decision, and quite another when indifference is used deliberately.
If the “law of ice” generates problems of a greater nature, or if someone feels that they can not avoid having these icy attitudes towards the other despite being aware that it is being applied. Psychological therapy can be a step towards the solution, either as a couple or individually.
What do I do if the ice law applies to me?
This indifference from which one must defend oneself may be due to the difficulty in finding the path of communication, but it may have other reasons such as:
Serve as a control mechanism for the one who applies it to you (I am the one who frames when talking, where, and how).
Manipulative abuse (looking for the other party to give in and feel guilty).
A vindictive action on the part of that person (I’m going to give you where it’s going to hurt the most).
Therefore, a defense mechanism of the other person is not a manipulative action (the explanation is that it does not support your intensity and needs to move away momentarily to assimilate and manage the situation).
The risks of continuously applying this law
Emotional estrangement is one of the four behaviors that could lead to the death of your relationship. (the other three are criticism, reproach, and susceptibility).
A new trend is also added to the known problems, called “phubbing,” which is abusive and inconsiderate behavior. More interest is shown in your mobile than the person in front of you, clearly belittling with this behavior.
The result is only a frozen couple with an 80% chance of divorce (or living together as separated in the same house).
How do we thaw the situation?
Avoid demonstrating an emotional reaction when applied to you, using the gray stone as a tool.
They, therefore, consider this situation as a go-ahead to reflect. So don’t show anger, and don’t force the person passively-aggressively to talk to you, and an argument can ensure. Give both of you some space until things calm down.
Strive to have a relaxed and positive appearance. Don’t show that their behavior affects you, even if it does.
Dialogue must be held on the issue of discussion and estrangement
Your friend or partner might walk away not do it to hurt you. On the contrary, maybe try to heal your wounds after an argument with you, so try to choose a moment in time so you can talk once the situation has cooled down a bit.
You might say, we need some time to think. What do you think we give it a few hours and return to solve this situation.
Acting in this way prevents the law of ice from having an impact because it is agreed that there will be silence for a certain time.
Then, we will solve this situation when you have both obtained certain objectivity about what happened.
Put yourself in the other’s place to see it from all angles
If that person feels the need to override all communication and avoids you, they feel hurt. Try to feel empathy and see things from their perspective to fix them as soon as possible.
Examine the exchange that preceded the law of ice and consider what he said. What did you answer? If you were in their place, what would you feel?
Sometimes people happen to ignore you because they feel pressured and need to loosen that pressure, so they cut off communication with you.
If you’re still bothered by that person not talking to you, try talking to a trusted friend or relative to get an outside perspective on the situation. Make sure you choose someone honestly and mature,
Speak in the first person during an argument
The law of ice is an aggressive, passive method that can also provoke passive-aggressiveness in you. The other person refuses to share their feelings or have a conversation with you, so you, too, being hurt, decide to ignore them.
To avoid this, try using a more assertive method that can help you communicate without making things worse between you.
Speaking in the first person is a practical way to share what you think and feel without blaming others. You might start by saying, “When you ignore me, I feel like a person who doesn’t care about you, and that hurts.
I wish we could talk about our feelings more actively and not walk away from the way we have. The next time, could you ask for some space instead of just ignoring me?”
Be sure to set an example of what you’re asking for, and talk with kindness, humility, respect, and self-control. Avoid making accusations about what happened.
What you can do to avoid the law of ice.
Identify your role
It would help if you considered how to play a role in the other person’s silence. You will need to identify and change communication patterns that could lead you to this point of non-communication.
When reflecting on your interactions with that person, try to find common patterns in your behavior that could have led to that silence. For example, that person was talking to you, and you interrupted him because you assumed you knew what he would say.
Active listening can avoid the law of ice in this type of situation. Don’t interrupt your partner when talking by leaving time to communicate what they want to express.
Reduce anger to avoid making the situation worse
Feeling that someone is trying to manipulate you can lead to anger, which is not very useful and focuses on dangerous territory. Showing anger will not be productive for your relationship. Try to mitigate the negative emotions you feel using your space as well.
Relaxation techniques, such as guided imagination, deep breathing, muscle relaxation, or gentle stretching, can be very helpful in reducing anger and promoting calm.
Try to take an hour-long break or even agree to schedule the conversation until the next day if you see that you need to return to calm. Try not to put off the conversation for too long.
Set personal boundaries with other people
Setting effective boundaries in your relationships to avoid manipulation and suffering is an excellent tool for your mental health.
Just as the person who applies the law of ice to you is a parent, a best friend, or a partner, you must set limits to avoid that a toxic pattern in the relationship can hurt you.
Ask yourself how you want to be treated in your relationships and what behaviors you will and will not accept from others.
A proactive conversation with the abuser could be, “I care about you and enjoy spending time with you.
However, when you just stop talking to me like that, you make me feel very bad. If this keeps happening, I will have no choice but to distance myself from you to protect my emotional health and well-being.”
Beware of emotional abuse, learn to deal with it effectively
Keep an eye out for the link between ice law and narcissistic disorder. If we encounter a chronic behavioral style in that person in the way they use their silences against you, this person could have narcissistic characteristics.
Narcissism describes a personality disorder in which a person naturally exploits and manipulates the people around them for their benefit.
If you constantly apologize without really knowing what happened to make them angry with you or beg your partner to contact you again, they could be using your reaction to manipulate you.
Having a relationship with a narcissist can lead to many tiredness and be emotionally confusing. However, there are some strategies that you can carry out to improve the interactions you have with that person, although it may not be worth pursuing in that relationship.
Develop better communication skills in therapy
Professional advice can help you if you are interested in becoming a person who communicates better and your partner has that same intention.
Therapy may teach you to find healthier ways to express your demands, such as speaking first, balancing criticism, or asking for a specific time to talk about complaints.
On the other hand, it can teach your loved ones to express more of what they think and feel and teach them how to handle frustration in better ways than refusing to answer.
make communications less stressful
If you are often applied the law of ice, this situation could wreak havoc on your health and well-being. In addition to dealing with the communication you have with the person who uses this form of manipulation, it is also important that you spend time with people who healthily communicate with you.
Communicate with your friends and the people who love, support, and value you as a person. Ask them for help in dealing with this situation.
It would help if you also considered participating in a support group for people who have experienced narcissistic abuse. You can ask your therapist to recommend you or look for support groups online.
Cut off your relationship with a partner who abuses you emotionally and refuses to change.
The law of ice is one of the many tactics employed by people who emotionally abuse people and make one partner feel intimidated and powerless in front of the other.
So most likely, if you do not change your attitude, you will have to break the relationship with that person,
Emotional abuse should not be allowed under any circumstances, as it will diminish your emotional, mental and physical health. If that person does not empathize with your situation and shows signs of change, you should move away from it for your protection.