Why today’s romantic relationships are so fragile? Ever thought about that?
Believe it or not, even seemingly strong relationships are collapsing.
All the time. This happens every day, over and over again.
It is a story with two people deeply in love and committed to each other, who suddenly encounter major problems.
And the couple implodes, even if none of them want it.
To say that love is easy is a lie.
All relationships are conflicting and require effort at one time or another.
If we defy the problems between our partners and us, they will eventually blow up in our faces.
But there is an even bigger problem in relationships than unresolved conflicts… and this is the one: an unequal balance of power.
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Here’s how power works in a relationship.
If we lose all power in our relationship, we become obsessed with our companion, and he ends up completely losing interest in us.
The opposite is also true: if we have all the power in our relationship, we will soon get bored.
To form a strong torque, you need to maintain a balance.
The consequences of a misallocation of power within the couple
The total amount of power that you’ve in a relationship is the amount of control you’ve over yourself. It’s also the influence you have on your partner.
When you have no power over yourself, it will manifest itself in blaming others for your problems, not being happy on your own, and letting others dictate your behavior.
If you have no power over your relationship, you allow your partner to do what he wants, you do not respect yourself or your limits, and your partner completely ignores your needs and desires.
We, women, tend to become so invested in the relationship that we cease to care for our own needs. We forget the existence of our own life.
Giving yourself completely to a relationship may seem like a noble act, but it destroys your partner’s feelings of attraction to you.
Love is alive, so is the couple, and it requires maintenance
Having a strong, lasting, and healthy relationship is not possible in a day. And this is not learned in school, unfortunately.
It requires effort, a willingness to develop skills, and an ability to change and grow over time.
Too many couples are finally moving away because they have taken each other for granted.
Once the initial period of seduction is over and the relationship is “secure,” it is indeed easy to fall into a routine that makes the other disappear little by little.
But a relationship is a living thing, and like all living things, and one must maintain it.
It must be given the essential ingredients for its survival.
If you water an indoor plant only when you feel like it, the plant will not survive. Similarly, if you only maintain your relationship when you feel like it, the connection between you will fade and die.
Feeding your couple means loving, and love is an action verb. We can say that we love our partner but do we translate this love into our daily behavior?
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Dealing with a relationship means that we notice a problem and then do what we need to do to solve the said problem.
Feeding is also expressed in the form of basic respect, courtesy, and kindness.
For example, saying we are sorry when we are wrong and forgiving our partner for being human.
The couple is something strong and fragile at the same time
If they are not gently recognized, healed, and healed, each day’s small and large wounds will accumulate over time until their weight breaks the relationship.
The couple needs constant recognition, apologies, and forgiveness, and most people now want a relationship to be a true partnership.
Even though we can fill different roles at different times in our history, let’s not speculate and fall into automatic behaviors.
We need to think about what is important to us and clarify our goals and values. Then we can properly discover these same things in our partner.
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Let us each talk about our deepest fears, needs, questions, and hopes. Often!
Because the person we are today is different from the person, we were a year ago.
How do I know when it’s time for the relationship to change? The answer is when it stops working.
You know that it stops working when you encounter tensions and conflicts.
Opening up to each other
A natural reaction in times of conflict is to camp on one’s positions, to fight to change the other person’s mind.
But people who have successful relationships have learned to do the opposite: they pool their strengths and try to find ways to meet the needs of both people in the relationship.
There is an attitude of cooperation, openness, & negotiation.
During times of conflict, change is understood as necessary and not as something to fight against.
It is anticipated as a period of growth and learning.
When our relationship is flexible, and we are both able to adapt to each other’s changing needs, this is where we will grow the most.
We have to be careful not to give all our power to our partners.
Because the minute we make this mistake, that’s when he’ll start to lose interest in us.
Let’s share our strengths and ensure a better chance of long-term success.