Psychology Of Failed Relationships – Why Some People Fail In Love
Not every finished relationship should be understood as a failure or a mistake. Some stories deserved to be lived and don’t have to be understood as a mistake.
The psychology of failed relationships tells us that lack of love is not always the cause of our breakdowns. Couples and affection, like bones, also break.
Endings and stories that start and don’t last too long are part of normality, but this is something we live very often traumatically.
This means, for example, that after accumulating more than one failure in practical matters, one ends up conceding that that love is not for them, that living as a couple is impossible and that it is best to walk alone in the world.
No one indeed comes into this world with a manual on how to succeed in the field of relationships.
However, we have also not been taught to endure a farewell without a farewell (ghosting), to deal with a “this no longer works” or with an “I no longer love you.”
After that, it is widespread for us to ask ourselves a constant and even obsessive question… What about me? Why do I fail in love?
Psychology Of Failed Relationships
Things they never told you about the psychology of failed relationships
Are you one of those who think much of your affective relationships have been a failure? Maybe you should do a minor reformulation.
So, more than usual today is having multiple partners throughout our life cycle. Some stories last longer than others, some make us happier, and sometimes we can even get married not once, but several times.
All this reflects the dynamics of one’s life. It shows our movements, the relief of our existence, and every turn that fate gives in romantic and affective matters.
Now, the striking thing is that, in many cases, we keep talking about failed relationships when we’re done with someone. Because of this idea, it is essential to consider the following approaches.
Some relationships can be terrible, but not all of them are failed.
Some relationships leave us sequels; it’s true. Dynamics such as abuse, physical or psychological abuse, manipulation, or even constant deception profile what we understand as terrible bonds.
Of those, one can repent, rightly, for not having opened one’s eyes before and having fled.
Beyond this complex reality, not all failed relationships are. Maybe our mistake is to think that when we start a bond with someone, that story will last a lifetime. “Until death do us part” must be replaced by “until we are no longer well.”
And when this happens, when we stop “being okay” with our partner, goodbye doesn’t have to be a failure.
Sometimes love is over. Sometimes the priorities are different. We may realize that our perspectives and ways of understanding reality are incompatible.
All of this does not configure any failures; it is the human being’s very life and inherent complexity.
Failure in love and psychological inflexibility
For anyone wondering why many of their relationships don’t last, science has an answer. The University of Rochester conducted a study in 2020 to understand the causes of couples’ problems and family ties.
One factor that turned out to be recurrent in relational problems is psychological inflexibility. But what is this dimension, and how does it relate to failed relationships?
One author who focused much of his theories to work and disable psychological inflexibility was Albert Ellis. According to him, this dimension is the origin of our unhappiness.
It defines the inability to become aware of our irrational ideas, the limitation of applying a more thoughtful approach, opening ourselves to change, accepting difficulties, and solving them.
Thus, one of the relational level’s biggest problems is to take on a fixed way of what a relationship should look like, according to us.
That is the point at which we quit tolerating the other when we just see issues and nothing appears to fit our expectations.
An example of psychological inflexibility is to shy away from talking about things, resorting to guilt and screaming rather than dialogue and understanding.
It’s to assume that my truth is better than yours, that with your behaviour, you show me that you don’t love me and that with mine, I do everything right.
Learning from failed relationships
Instead of conceiving our ex-looks like examples of failed relationships, let’s look at them as stories they couldn’t be.
No connection could be a mistake if there were love if we fought for it, and it gave us at certain moments of happiness.
Everything we’ve experienced brings us vital filming and emotional learning. But, yes, we must make sure that knowledge is valuable.
What do we mean by that? It’s not good to stumble upon the same stone more than once. If we had a relationship with a narcissistic person, let’s try not to fall back into the same effective trap.
If in our last adequate history with someone we lacked greater maturity and ability to solve problems, the life does not fall into a broken sack and serves us for the future.
We sometimes choose the least suitable people because we are not yet configured as individuals. I mean, nothing is as important as being clear about who we are, what we want, and what we don’t want in our lives. Personal and psychological maturity will make our relationships happier.