How To Improve Mother Daughter Relationship
How to improve mother daughter relationship is a subject where we come across many people discussing and looking for the right way to do it.
The bond between a mother and a daughter is very special, but it is still complex. Sometimes, it can be tightened. If you want to know how to heal a mother-daughter relationship, read on.
You will find out here the most practical tips and ways for improving mother and daughter relationships.
Human relationships have their complexity, and the bond established between mother and daughter is no exception.
Despite being an extremely special relationship, a mother-daughter relationship has nuances and differences, creating a great distance between them.
Of all the types of relationships, the mom and daughter relationship is undoubtedly the most complex. Research shows this, especially when the daughter has entered adolescence.
The best ways and tips for building good mother and daughter relationships that I mention below will surely help you care for and maintain the bond no matter how old your relationship is deteriorating, whether you’re a mother or a daughter.
How To Improve Mother Daughter Relationship?
There are no irreconcilable differences. Most of the time, the distance that separates a mother from her daughter can be shortened with the help of small and practical changes.
Studies and research claim that a daughter’s self-esteem and social satisfaction positively correlate when maintaining a good relationship with her mother.
Of course, this connection between the two does not come out of anywhere. Behind it, there is commitment and work. Pay attention to the following tips to improve the relationship with your daughter.
1. Give up some space
If there is one thing you must learn as a mother, it is to give up space when your children ask you to. Although a mother and daughter relationship is built through moments together, disconnection is as important as strengthening it.
When there is a space between the two, the shared moments are more appreciated. This applies to all ages: if you are a teenager, let her spend time in her room or go out with her friends; if she’s already an adult, don’t pressure her to warn you about everything she does.
In addition, pressuring her to do activities together on an ongoing basis can also create tension. She will feel that you invade her space, that you do not leave her any time for her privacy, prevent her from practicing other hobbies that she likes, or simply being alone with herself. And this will create some mother-daughter fights. Remember that cultivating moments in solitude is also important.
2. Learn to forgive
Yes, we know it’s easier to write it down than to practice it, but no list of tips for improving the mother-daughter relationship is complete without this principle. Many of the relationships of this type find their breaking point precisely because they do not learn to forgive.
Clinging to resentment leads nowhere. Often, forgiving is related to healing, and no relationship can be maintained when there are negative feelings toward the other.
It is not about forgetting but about understanding. Nor is it a question of approval but of replacing criticism and resentment with construction.
If you want to regain that bond between mother and daughter, you must be willing to leave the past behind. Today is what matters; today is the foundation from which the relationship will begin to build again. If you try to do it on the columns of resentment, it will fall to the ground sooner rather than later.
3. Improve your listening skills – it will improve the mother daughter relationship
There are some big issues for a bad relationship with mom, and this is one of the. Do you listen to your daughter when you speak? And, more importantly, do you hear what it doesn’t tell you? Improving your skills in these two aspects is key to strengthening the mother-daughter relationship.
To do this, you can put into practice what is known as reflective listening. When talking to your daughter, focus carefully on what she tells you and remove any kind of distraction from your mind. And, of course, leave aside the prejudices you have about the things he is telling you.
Her tone of voice and frequency, her gestures, the speed with which she speaks, and her posture can tell you how she feels. If these relate to ecstasy, happiness and joy, then what she tells you is important to her. And, therefore, also for you.
4. Practice empathy
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in their place, from their perspective, from their worldview. A very important aspect that will help you understand it.
It is very easy to comment from the comfort of experience, from the strength of a life already lived. Still, your daughter probably does not have the same experience, especially if she is in adolescence. Therefore, do not expect her to have the same conception about the world and others like you. This is all about how to have a good relationship with your teenage daughter.
It is, for this reason, that, and according to specialists, the relationship between daughter and mother changes when the daughter becomes a mother. At this point, she can experience maternal empathy and therefore becomes closer to who was in the position she is in now.
5. Take the time to think things through
Try to reflect and not give automatic and impulsive responses that usually lead you to say things inappropriately.
Prevent the emotional state of the moment from clouding your reason and uttering words that you will later regret. If you don’t, it will only make lead to a difficult mother-daughter relationship.
Whenever you can, reflect before you say something, especially when that something can put your relationship in check. In turn, try to eliminate sarcasm, irony, and hostility in your messages.
The first two are barriers in communication; the last is a thorn that hurts the relationship. This begins an unhealthy mother-daughter relationship.
The next time you’re in a compromised situation to respond, test the 2nd-second rule. Take this time to think carefully, calm your emotions, and choose your words carefully. Thinking before speaking is a quality for practicing assertiveness.
6. Don’t close yourself to her teachings
A daughter can teach her mother as much as a mother can teach her daughter. Sometimes, because we are in a position of power, we believe that our authority and wisdom are above all. However, a healthy relationship consists of placing both at the same level.
When you do this, you open your doors to learn from it. I am not only talking about skills or practical knowledge but also about aspects that can contribute to your day-to-day and your way of being. And believe me, this is only going to improve the mother and daughter relationship.
7. Keep an open mind
Finally, the last of our tips for improving the mother-daughter relationship is to keep an open mind from the former’s perspective. If you always put obstacles and address them from a critical position, you can never consolidate the bond you have.
Only by opening your mind will you achieve a healthy, strong, and lasting relationship. That in which the previous councils are present.
Ways to get closer to a mother and to improve the relationship with mom.
As I have emphasized from the beginning, these tips to improve the relationship between mother and daughter only has value when there is a commitment on both. In this way, I now present what a daughter can do to get closer to her mother.
1. Remember how important you are to her
Something that children often tend to forget. Remember that you are the fruit and sacrifice of nine months of care and attention. Remember that she fed you, protected you, educated you, and guided you in your first steps. Although you often do not see it that way, everything she does or tells you is for your good.
Their decisions may not be right, like any decision we can make, but the faster you understand this, the better you understand some of them.
2. Never close yourself to her teaching you
After all, she has done so much of your life, only half of this time you don’t remember it even when you believe that what you want to teach points in the opposite direction to what you want to learn, never close yourself to her completely.
You can always rescue a piece of value from anything, and in any case, this will be an excuse to spend moments together. Just as you understand some things better today, she can understand others with more experience.
3. Share with family
A part of the break generated in the relationships between parents and children is found in the moments shared as a family. The importance of these is not fully understood, except when it is too late to repeat them.
Sharing time with your family is not only being physically present; it is also present from an emotional point of view. Your body may be in one place, but if your mind travels thousands of miles away, it will matter little to your presence.
4. Be grateful
A person is humanized to the extent that he is grateful to those who have made possible what he is. Who you are now is nothing more than the sum of your ancestors’ decisions. Specifically, and to refer to a shorter period, to your grandparents and parents’ decisions.
It doesn’t matter if it’s little or a lot, what you have. You can express this gratitude verbally, through actions, or simply by understanding this momentous point. When you understand, you find one more reason to strengthen the relationship between mother and daughter.
5. Find common ground for a better Mother Daughter Relationship
If you don’t want to find common ground, rest assured that you won’t. Of course, it is not always easy to find them, but if you do not do your part, you will never find them. Also, remember that you can always discover new activities to enjoy together.
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The generation gap can be an obstacle in finding activities, but each generation is misunderstood by the previous one. And this has never stopped a mother and daughter from maintaining a special bond.
Later I will tell you some activities that you can do to carry out these tips and improve the daughter and mother relationship.
6. Avoid making comparisons
We refer specifically to comparisons with other mothers. Even more serious: making that comparison explicit verbally. You can have an exemplary relationship as your guide, but you should never try to imitate it. By doing this, you are helping to create a bad daughter-mother relationship. You can take an attitude as an example but not expect it to stick during the relationship.
I mean, every mother-daughter relationship is unique. Comparisons are never healthy, as they can do more harm than we think. The sooner you stop doing it, the easier it will be to accept your mother as she is. And this is one of the best steps towards how to have a good relationship with your mom.
7. Make respect a priority
This is not something you should practice occasionally. This is not only for a piece of daughter-mother relationship advice; every relationship is created based on respect; without this, you will not get anywhere. Just as a mother should have unconditional love for her daughter, daughters should have sincere respect for their mothers.
Relationships healing tips for mothers and daughters
Forgiveness is not the only method of healing. There are other strategies you can both do to improve and strengthen your bond. They are as follows.
Mom’s role for a better mother daughter relationship
At all times, mothers must cling to their position as adults. The life experience should be the light that illuminates them when reconciling the relationship with their daughter. You can practice these tips to achieve this.
1. Break with the circle
This refers to ending the parenting circle you’ve been brought upon. Even if the relationship with your mother was very affectionate, solid, and communicative, you have surely learned some patterns from her that you can modify.
Also, just because your mother educated you in one way doesn’t mean it’s the right way. Time changes, and so do the ways of relating to a child. Therefore, pick up the good from this circle, stay away from the bad, and don’t be afraid to open up to new possibilities.
2. Set realistic expectations
Don’t expect a perfect connection or for the bond in a matter of days to improve suddenly. It is very important to set realistic expectations so as not to get frustrated or continually disillusioned. When you expect too much and too high from your daughter, you create mother-daughter relationship problems and unhealthy issues.
Healing emotions, memories, and the past takes time, so you must give it to yourself through small steps and actions to strengthen the bond.
3. Avoid attachment and overprotection to have a health Mother Daughter Relationship
In its proper measure, attachment and overprotection are part of any relationship, but when they exceed the limit of what is healthy, they destroy it and make it toxic.
Each of you needs your time, space, and collection of mistakes to continue learning and learning to be autonomous and independent.
4. Understand the difference between being a mother and best friend
A mother cannot pretend to be her daughter’s best friend. She can be your confidant, supporter, counsellor, and someone with whom to share good times, but in no case a best friend. In principle, because she needs a mother, and taking on one role involves rejecting the other.
This does not mean that you can be friends with your daughter, but be aware of certain limitations. There are aspects that you can only bring to your daughter from the position of mother.
5. Recognize that you are no longer a girl
If your daughter is entering adolescence, coming out of it, or already an adult, you must recognize that she is no longer a girl. Their understanding of the world, their way of understanding life, their decisions, their habits, and their tastes, you must respect them.
When you recognize that your daughter is no longer a girl, you take a giant step in the relationship, recognizing their autonomy and authority. Therefore, put yourself in their place and remember what you thought, what you wanted, and how you would have liked to be treated having your age.
Daughters role for a healthy mother daughter relationship
The other side of the coin of tips to improve the mother-daughter relationship refers to the latter. In this case, we propose the following healing criteria:
1. Be empathetic with your mother
To have a healthy mother-daughter relationship:
- Be empathetic with what you feel, with your worries, your doubts, and your emotions.
- Be empathetic in understanding that many changes are not easy for her to assimilate.
- Be empathetic to your regrets, willing to improve, and commitment to work on the relationship.
Of course, empathy must be two-way. Without it, it is impossible to build a relationship, regardless of your disposition in the process.
2. Don’t repress what you feel
Suppressing emotions doesn’t help you. Hiding how you feel won’t make it go away; it just prevents others from getting to know you and knowing what affects you.
When you talk to your mother, meet her and tell her about your fears and worries. Doing this has a liberating, emotionally venting effect. You will always carry extra weight if you never decide to let go of that backpack full of stones.
Therefore, express how you feel gradually and whenever you can. Sincerity is part of a healthy relationship.
3. Don’t put yourself in a victim situation
Victimhood affects any type of relationship. Adopting a defensive position in which the other person is entirely to blame generates distances and conflicts.
Blaming your mother for everything is not the solution. Of course, it can be confused and make mistakes, but that is not why it should be condemned. She often wants the best for you.
If something happens to you, try to see what you can do to fix it and even ask her for help, but don’t turn your relationship into a battlefield.
4. Think about the present
Letting go involves leaving the past behind so that it is not an obstacle in the relationship in the present. You can’t step forward if you’re tied to memories, words, and actions.
Try to focus on today, how you want your relationship with her to be and what you will do to improve it. If there has been true forgiveness and sincere reconciliation, the relationship will be different.
5. It’s never too late to start
It’s never too late to start rebuilding the connection with your mother. It’s painful to have a bitter or no relationship with your mother.
No matter how long it has been since you both smiled for the last time or the physical and emotional distance separating you now, what is important is the willingness to work on it and solve it.
The best ways to strengthen the mother-daughter bonding to do together.
These keys to improving the mother-daughter relationship would be incomplete without a list of activities to strengthen the bond. Here is a proposal:
1. Plan a trip together
It doesn’t have to be to another country; even a small trip visiting a province for a couple of days can be just as rewarding. The point is that they plan the itinerary together and everything related to the trip: the choice of the place where you are going to stay, the round trip dates, or the places you can visit.
You can also choose a means of transport that favors the connection along the way. Remember, the tour is important, not the destination.
2. Practice a sport
It does not need to be a sport that requires collaboration as a couple, but one in which you can both have fun. For example, cycling, running, swimming, or hiking.
Physical exercise helps release stress and is a healthy excuse to share an hour or two. As with the previous activity, the sense is that you find spaces to connect.
3. Recreate a family tradition
This way, you will be more united to the essence of the family. This point depends on what is part of the family nucleus. For example, prepare a dessert or dish based on a family recipe or create or paint clay or ceramic figures.
It is also important to get more in the family celebrations. For example, plan and celebrate the birthdays of others. This way, you will be able to strengthen ties and strengthen family relationships.
4. Mother-Daughter board games
Board games are another excuse to spend moments together. Not only will you entertain and have fun, but you will also achieve a good rapport between the two. In addition, it will also help you talk about interesting topics while you play.
5. Sign up for a class together
Of anything, although it should be on a subject that you do not dominate and that you want to share. Guitar lessons, dance lessons, learning a new language, makeup, or cooking courses.
The good thing is that with this type of activities you can continue to share opinions and ideas when you get home and create incentives to support you during the learning process. It is another way to consolidate the mother and daughter relationship.
Helping others and knowing their stories favors the change of perspective of the world, others, and life in general. Whenever you agree, choose volunteering that involves working as a team; in this way, you will penetrate better when it comes to helping others.
7. Write together
Writing about desires and emotions is highly recommended to feel better. Normally a journal is an intimate experience, one that you only share with yourself. Why not do it with someone else to include them in this new process of change?
For this activity, there must be a disposition of both, in addition to a commitment to sincerity and honesty when carrying it out. It is about writing a journal in which space will be left so that the other person can include their impressions about the moment described. Both of you will have access to what the other has written so that you can know a little piece of your emotions.
Questions for meaningful conversations
Choosing a topic of conversation is not easy, especially when you want to strengthen a relationship or rebuild a bond. Therefore, we leave you some topics to talk about to improve your relationship.
1. What things do you think can be improved in our relationship?
You will not be able to improve things that you are not willing to accept. Talking openly about them, even if they are just details, is a great help to improve the bond.
2. What is the one thing you would like to change about me?
We are not perfect, so that we can improve certain aspects of ourselves. In this case, it is about pointing out something that interferes in one way or another with the relationship. It should always be done with respect and empathy.
3. What do you think is our greatest attribute?
Just as you should point out the things to improve, you should also applaud your attributes, making you think that the relationship has a future.
Communication, friendship, respect, or sincerity are some of them. Of course, you should talk at length about it and avoid responding in a hurry.
4. What are your expectations for our relationship in the future?
Knowing your mother’s or daughter’s expectations will help you regulate yours. Based on this, harmony can be achieved that serves to work on the same objective. Let it not happen that, by ignoring what the other person expects, work to advance in opposite directions.
5. Do you think we have come a long way from the past?
This question has a lot of fabric to cut, in principle, because it looks beyond a simple yes. Contrasting where you were before and where you are now is an important exercise to know how much progress has been made.
If you have put your grain of sand in the relationship, you will be surprised at how far you have come since then.
6. What do you think is most important for a healthy mother-daughter relationship?
These words put the finger on the sore to know the other person’s opinions on achieving a better connection. It doesn’t matter if the answers are different; it’s even better than you are. Through different perspectives, you can work to strengthen the bond further.
7. What is something I don’t know and should know about you?
We abandon the conversation about “we” with this question and direct it to the “I.” Not everything revolves around the relationship; you must also give space to know and be interested in individual aspects. Fears, dreams, hopes, illusions, and projects…
Try and implement the above tips and ways in your life as a mother or daughter if you don’t have a healthy mother-daughter relationship, and trust me, you will be amazed to see the outcome soon.
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Take care of yourself and your family!