How to end your toxic relationship
Breaking with dysfunctional partner dynamics is difficult, despite the damage it causes us. Sometimes no matter how much we understand the damage they cause, we dont know how to end a toxic relationship.
A lot of times, we dont even realize were in one.
Lets see how to identify a toxic relationship and how you can leave behind that vicious circle, and you can free yourself emotionally.
A Simple Test For Toxic ratio:
If you answer yes to one or more of the following questions, youre most likely part of a toxic relationship:
Does it hurt you when your partner doesnt consider you for everything they do, say or plan?
- Do you experience jealousy always, or should you deal all the time with your partners jealousy?
- Do you stop dating your friends, so your partner doesnt bother?
- Do you feel that your partner has to validate all your opinions or acts?
- Do you use breakout threats as a form of control?
- Are they frequently finishing and coming back?
Six characteristics of a toxic relationship, if you follow any of these signs, you’re in a toxic relationship:
There is codependency. They need each other in a sick way, rather than enriching each other.
One party has too much control over the other: it reviews messages, gives or denies you permissions, threatens you, or punishes.
One part only receives, and the other only gives. Theres no reciprocity.
One of us stops doing things he enjoys doing for fear of reprisals from the other.
One of the members reaffirms himself through attitudes that belittle the other, such as insulting them or telling them that no one wants them.
There are frequent threats of rupture when one member does not yield to the others unfounded demands.
How to overcome a toxic relationship?
Youve probably already realized that the answer to how to end a toxic relationship has a lot to do with self-love.
Being immersed in a toxic relationship doesnt make us worse, nor does it mean that one of us is necessarily the villain in history. Were human beings, and we all make mistakes.
But if youve already identified that youre in a dynamic that hurts you, theres no excuse. You have to arm yourself willingly and get out of there, even if it hurts.
Stop denying that the relationship is toxic.
If everyone tells you youre in the middle of a toxic relationship, its not because theyre not looking at the whole picture or because they dont know the other person, they also have their good side.
Nobodys saying there arent some harmful and abusive things. But in general, when everyone starts to notice that the dynamic you have with each other is toxic, its for something.
Also, Read Jealousy In Relationships – Why It Happens
Stop justifying yourself on pretexts. Assume that your relationship is toxic, that it brings you more bad things than good things, and it is best to take it down.
It hurts a lot to realize, but its necessary to break the vicious cycle.
Identify the root of the problem.
What exactly makes a relationship toxic? As a rule, it is usually asymmetrical or codependent. One party has too much power over the other, or both are unable to be functioning independently.
There are chances that the toxic in its dynamics have to do with possessiveness and jealousy or with the need for one to take absolute control of the other. Maybe its toxic because one only gives and the other only gets.
Either way, understanding why and how we got to this point helps us identify the emotional basis of the problem and stop justifying, downplaying, or ignoring it.
Find the hidden reward.
All toxic relationships leave us some hidden reward, a kind of benefit that we do not want to give up, and that is why we endure the disadvantages of the relationship. That reward can be somewhat unconscious.
For example, in a toxic relationship laden with jealousy and mistrust, the hidden reward might be the possibility of reaffirming ourselves by having full possession of another human being.
In a relationship where there is psychological abuse or over-control, the victims hidden reward can be a justification for not leaving their comfort zone and taking the reins of their lives.
This hidden reward is the cause that even if we are aware that the relationship hurts us, we return to it repeatedly.
Find the correct ways to deal with the background problem.
The hidden reward always responds to an individual background problem. For example, if we have a deep fear of being left alone, we will build toxic relationships that we give too much and demand too little in return.
As if the couple were doing us a favour just by staying by our side. The hidden reward is not having to face loneliness, but it is accompanied by insecurities and discomfort if the relationship is toxic.
If the problem is the fear of loneliness, instead of alleviating it by maintaining a relationship at all costs, we can cover it from another perspective. We may learn to be comfortable and happy when we only have ourselves.
Surround yourself with positive people
Its easier to build healthy relationships if we surround ourselves with positive people. This applies to love, friendship, work, and even family.
The difference between positive and toxic people is that the former enrich relationships with their virtues and the latter build relationships based on their flaws and deficiencies.
Building healthy relationships in other settings helps you notice the toxic characteristics of your love relationship. Its easier for you to keep your decision to end that relationship firm if you can see the effects of positive people on your life daily.
Write to your future self.
Youve already decided to finish, but youre afraid that when you get angry or when you start to miss the other, youll lose your conviction.
Its best to anticipate the inevitable. If you know that soon you will deal with the great temptation to call or look for your ex, write a letter to yourself of the future reminding them of all the right reasons that exist to keep the breakup.
Its a kind of withdrawal syndrome. Youll have anxiety and wonder how to go on after finishing a toxic relationship. Youre inevitably going to go through that unpleasant stage anyway, but you can help yourself avoid relapse.
Turn the source of the problem into an opportunity.
Suppose youve already identified your toxic part of the relationships emotional source and what hidden reward you took out of it. In that case, you can turn things around and turn the problem into an opportunity.
For example, youre afraid of loneliness. That may remain a pretext for toxic relationships, or it can be the perfect impulse for you to learn how to:
Be perfectly well with yourself without anyone else.
Value yourself again and understand that others arent doing you a favour by being with you.
Surround yourself with people who want to bring positive things to your life and recognize all the good things in you.
Forgive and forgive yourself.
When were in a toxic relationship, we do and say things were not proud of. We also commit irresponsible omissions or allow abuse and harm to us.
These mistakes lead to a lot of guilt and resentment. From shame and resentment comes the feeling that something remains to be fixed, and the feeling that something remains to be fixed is responsible for us coming back again and again.
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If you want to break that cycle, you must understand that you cannot change the past, but you can learn not to make the same mistakes again in the future.
Forgiving yourself doesnt mean being lenient and sticking with the same attitude. And forgiving the other doesnt mean youre coming back either.
Forgiveness toward oneself and others means that you will no longer allow the past to catch you and hurt you.
Since ending a toxic relationship is letting go of bad things and good things, it is expected that it is painful and that we end up giving in to the urge to hold on and back.
But, according to Buddhist philosophy, clinging to things, people or situations is something that only causes us pain, keeps us slaves from the outside world, and prevents us from moving forward.
You dont have to spend hours meditating to learn how to let go. Accept that things are sometimes not as we would like and that the people we love are not always right.
Stand your ground
Everything good in this life involves a little decision and firmness. Learning how to end a toxic relationship is something thats going to bring you many benefits. In the long run, it will also help you forge a better character.
So as with any goal, stay in your position and dont give in to blackmail, begging, or threats. The relationship is over. It would be best if you respected your decision.
If the other party refuses to go ahead or overcome the issue, it is not your problem or responsibility. Your commitment is to yourself.
How to end a toxic relationship for good?
It is prevalent for toxic relationships to follow a rupture-reconciliation scheme. Each time they separate, both sides get more hurt, but they come back and increase their codependency.
These types of patterns wear down the respect, self-esteem, and confidence of a relationship. As difficult as it is and you wonder how to end a toxic love affair, it is best to finish definitively and permanently. Its almost impossible to rescue her to be healthy.
If youre going through another one of those typical separations, but now you want it to be final, consider the steps above.
How to end a toxic relationship without hurting?
Talk to your partner and make him see that the relationship brings nothing good to either of us. Avoid:
Claim things from the past.
Insult either way.
Say anything that only serves to make the other feel bad.
Be sarcastic or ironic.
Words to end a toxic relationship must be very measured and prudent. And they should not be used as weapons, nor come from anger and spite.
Benefits of ending a toxic relationship
You will start to face your emotional problems so that you can take care of them.
Youll have peace of mind because you wont be fighting or enduring blackmail and ill-treatment all the time.
You will regain your safety and self-esteem.
Youll have more energy and time to relate to people who are right for you.
How to end a toxic relationship with children?
Getting out of a toxic relationship when there are children can be tricky because its problematic that all of that toxicity doesnt affect them in one way or another.
The main thing is that children do not go through their anxieties and faults. Parents should resolve their issues, not put children into discussions, or speak ill of each other in their presence.
What to do after finishing a toxic relationship?
Here are some things to do coming out of a toxic relationship:
Congratulate yourself. You just took an important step for your well-being.
Surround yourself with positive people who give you a new point of view.
Keep your mind busy with things that are good for you.
Avoid the temptation to return.
How to forget a toxic relationship?
Its not about forgetting anything. Ideally, never forget what happened, how you got to that point, and what consequences it had for you. This way, youll use that experience as a source of learning, so you dont make the same mistakes in the future.
Take Care & Stay Safe!