Facing Your Partner’s Infidelity ~ Ways to face
Infidelity is the order of the day. I am offering some psychological keys to regain the illusion and trust in you.
When we discover that our partner has been unfaithful to us, the first reactions to this situation are usually to question our worth, to think if we have not been as good as we should have been, that we have not given enough, that the person with whom he has deceived us surpasses our qualities and that is why they have replaced us.
However, infidelity is quite common, and nothing (or perhaps little) has to do with all that goes through our minds.
Therefore, we would first have to go back a little further to the origins and understand how the relationship has formed.
FIDELITY (AND INFIDELITY) IS A MATTER OF WILL
Fidelity, far from being a natural condition of our default species, is more due to a matter of will, that is, a purpose that one set and agrees with another person.
Unlike other species that have encoded a whole series of behaviours to follow in their genetics, humans do not have things so clear.
Somehow, our intelligence does not make things easy for us, and on the contrary, we are responsible for our actions by having great power of choice.
The truth is that we are monogamous by culture, not by nature. This is a fact that we can see by observing all the varieties and combinations of loving relationships between people on our planet, from polygamy in which one can marry several people at once, open relationships, swingers…
That is why, in reality, the ideas we have about love and relationships are closely linked to cultural and religious factors.
In our culture, we have an idea of a loving relationship based on exclusivity and fidelity, and on that “until death does us part”.
But we cannot forget that this relationship is based on an acquired commitment and not on a natural condition.
From this approach, infidelity is based on the breach of this two-way pact, violating the trust that has been placed in the other and all those plans in common.
We live in a society where everything is accelerating, and we have little tolerance for waiting and frustration. The development of technology, the internet, over information all makes us live from an immediacy perspective.
And besides, we lose the sense of struggle, of waiting, patience, delicacy and care, that philosophy of “sowing and then collecting”.
This brings us back to a hedonistic lifestyle, a constant search for pleasure and avoidance of not-so-pleasurable sensations, bringing changes to many levels in the way we live.
WHAT TO DO ABOUT INFIDELITY?
Discovering infidelity in your relationship is a hard blow that leaves sequels challenging to repair and without knowing which path to take next. So, let yourself feel your emotions, listen, take a break. Face infidelity; it is possible.
Facing Your Partner’s Infidelity: 10 Tested And Trusted Ways
1. ADDRESS THE SITUATION
You’ve probably discovered infidelity through several suspicions that have led you to look into whether it might be happening or not expected, finding the evidence by surprise.
Sometimes the find leaves us so stunned that we are afraid to confront our partner with what we have discovered because of the consequences that we will inevitably know they will have from that moment on.
Take some time to meditate and calm your emotions above all, but you must be prepared in front of the situation.
2. TALK TO YOUR PARTNER
It is essential to establish dialogue as rational as possible, despite the strong emotions that can be awakened. Therefore, you have to find the right time and place without forcing things and giving time.
When both sides are ready for such dialogue, it is necessary to clarify what has happened.
Try to express your emotions in the best way possible, let them understand how you feel and how you live the situation, and let your partner express themselves and explain their perception of the facts and their reasons for carrying out infidelity.
Solve your doubts, but watch without it reaching the invasion of the other.
3. DON’T FEEL GUILTY
It’s not your fault your partner was unfaithful to you. This has been a decision made freely by your partner. Infidelity can have many causes, such as a lack of responsibility for the relationship on the part of the partner who commits it, impulsivity, lack of control of desire…
However, it may also be that some aspects of your relationship have influenced, and while nothing justifies infidelity, you are both responsible for what your relationship was like.
4. CLEAR THINGS UP
Suppose a relationship is based on fighting two people for common goals. In that case, it is essential to rethink what those goals were or are, what you expect from each other, what might have failed, what you are looking for in a relationship, make clear where you agree and at what different visions you have.
5. ACCEPT WHAT HAPPENED
Accepting that there has been an infidelity, that our ideal has fallen off the pedestal, the disappointment it entails when thinking about all the plans shared with what has just happened is undoubtedly a tricky step. However, there is no choice but to accept what has happened.
Facing Your Partner’s Infidelity: 10 Tested And Trusted Ways
6. SEEK SUPPORT
Right now, it’s essential to surround yourself with people who love you and trust you. They can help you have a sour drink and offer you some tips if they know your relationship well.
However, be careful and treat the issue with delicacy and confidentiality, and remember that after all, you are the one who has that relationship, and the decision lies with you.
Do relaxing activities and get distracted. Maybe you can do well to consult with a professional to help you analyze the situation you’re in and get the ideas to make the best decision.
7. FORGIVE OR FORGET
It may be that after the act of infidelity, trust between you has been completely broken and that you do not see the possibility of following the relationship without the wounds interfering in the day today, and that is why you consider that it is better not to continue with the relationship.
The final decision to be made is a very personal issue that only you can assess according to the balance you make.
It can depend on many factors such as what kind of infidelity has been given, whether it has been something punctual or somewhat prolonged in time, whether it has been purely sexual or also emotional, or the amount of time you had together and the things you share.
If you choose to forgive, you may, over time, see that the experience of this challenging experience has helped you get to know each other better and your individual needs.
After all, no one is perfect and publicize our mistakes without falling into censorship, despite the disappointment that may entail in the people around us, which can be beneficial in the long run.
8. REBUILD THE RELATIONSHIP
If you decide to continue the relationship, you have to assume that the past is part of the past and make a clean blur and account.
Therefore, everything that has to be discussed must be clear so that it interferes with the future of your relationship as much as possible.
The relationship must be replanted and started again, re-establishing a new commitment, under renewed premises that you must both know.
9. TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
In the first moments of knowing infidelity, you must spend time doing things that you like, that you give yourself some whims, that you realize what you are worth, and that you see the whole of your life beyond your relationship.
However, it is not wrong for good; it does not come. We have good news: several studies have discovered that people who have suffered some infidelity enjoy greater self-esteem and that this has led them to more incredible personal growth.
10. YOUR PRIORITY IS YOU
You are the centre of your life, and you can decide within what you can how you want this to be.
The actions that others do are not just up to you, they are not under your control, and that is a reality that we have to accept and the reason why we stop blaming ourselves and over-blame ourselves, as long as we consider that we have acted in the best possible way.
After all, you’re more than any of the relationships you have with the people around you, and that’s something you should never question.
That’s why it’s essential to know yourself well, know what things make you happy and which hurt, to know what you need and give you what’s best for you.
I hope you find these 10 Tested And Trusted Ways while Facing Your Partner’s Infidelity useful.
Take care and be happy!